The power of Menektism

Every now and then, someone will ask me with a puzzled look, "what did you just call your girlfriend?" Well, I called her Menek. We all give endearing nicknames to our loved ones and for Celine, I call her Menek. What exactly is Menek? Well, if you've lived in Singapore long enough and are exposed to the lazy drawly Singaporean way of articulating the English language, you'll come across the evolution of the word "magnet". Menek.

To fully understand the concept, we have to go back to the basics. What is a magnet?

mag⋅net[mag-nit]
–noun
1. a body, as a piece of iron or steel, that possesses the property of attracting certain substances, as iron.
2. a lodestone.
3. a thing or person that attracts: The park was a magnet for couples and families.

So basically, a magnet attracts! I am definitely very attracted to Celine. Thats why she's my girlfriend. But thats not the main reason why I call her Menek. I call Celine Menek coz she's always gravitating to me. During my time in Melbourne, whenever I came home from work, she would be flying from the opposite end of the living room towards me for a bear hug when I've barely stepped in the apartment. When we're walking next to each other while out shopping or strolling, she would constantly bump into me and sometimes get stuck to me and we end up walking like conjoined twins. While watching a movie on the sofa or in a cinema, she would constantly be squeezing closer and closer till we would both fit in one seat. But the ultimate magnetic skill that Celine has is when we turn in for the night.

I've got a big king sized bed and I sleep on one side, while Celine sleeps on the other. Lots of space for the both of us. But somehow, along the course of the night, Celine would somehow creep over to my side slowly. She'd do it in her sleep and before you know it, she'd be right smack next to me and stuck to me like glue. I'd wake up the next morning all squeezed to the edge with her imprint either on my tummy or my back depending which way I was laying. I've prepared a little diagram to illustrate.

So there you have it. Thats how Celine got her nickname Menek. And I love the way she's always stuck to me, like a magnet that never fades.

Amber and me

So its another off-day gone by in Jeddah and as usual I've watched some movies on the computer to pass the time and stay sane. Today it was Marley and me. The show made me tear, and I normally don't cry at the movies. The world's worst dog but in actual fact the greatest dog huh? Hahaha, sounds very much like Amber when I had her. Amber was a siberian husky that was part of my family for about 2 years.

She was the most beautiful dog I had ever seen. Piercing white eyes. A proud and commanding stance. A big bushy tail that curled up against her back. And she had natural eyeliner too! Amber was always a curious dog who loved exploring and would bolt for the main gate whenever it opened. That was why we always had to keep her on a leash in the day time, until my dad decided to build an inner gate that closed up the side of my house for her to roam free.

Amber also had a really cool personality. She was friendly and would come over to say hi to everyone who looked in her direction. But she never barks. Even when we went for our walks and the other dogs in the neighborhood went berserk, creating a cacophony of deafening barking and screeching, Amber would be as cool as a cucumber. She'd just look around and wonder what the commotion was about, her head and tail always held high with confidence. In fact, the only noises she made were a short bark when she wanted some attention and a hilarious "singing"/howling sound when she's upset. There's even a name given to this funny whiney howl - ululation. Some call it yowling. And the two things that made her upset? Thunder and a ringing phone.

She would howl and tremble whenever there was lightning and thunder. Times like these we would let her into the house to sleep and sometimes when I came home late on a stormy night, I would just sit down next to her and tell her its alright and then rub her tummy till she fell asleep. In the day time if the phone rang and no one answered, she would run around the house yowling as if trying to tell us that someone had better pick up the phone if not she would pull it right out of the socket.

Amber had tremendous strength. I remember the time when I leashed her to a big sturdy bench in my garden while I prepared to go for a run. The main gate was open and this cat had the guts to stroll slowly across the open driveway. The moment Amber set her eyes on the cat, all hell broke loose. She bolted and took the entire bench along with her. The dragging bench tore out a trail of grass and soil in the garden as Amber tried to pounce on the cat. I was tying my shoe laces and was almost knocked out by the flying bench. The cat let out a screech and ran off. I never saw the cat again.

Even Celine would get exhausted holding on to Amber's leash when we took her out for walks. I would be so amused at how Amber was pulling Celine around, rather than Celine leading her where we were supposed to go. I'm glad Amber got to meet my darling Celine. They got along so well that when I came back from Melbourne each time, I could've sworn that Amber was more happy to see Celine than she was to see me!

And the highlight of Amber's evenings? Our runs together. We would go for long runs from my house, to the SIA training center and then round the Singapore expo before coming back. It was like an adventure for her and she would run along next to me without ever breaking a sweat. Pedestrians along the walkways would sometimes get freaked out at the sight of man and dog charging towards them. I used to enjoy seeing the terror in their eyes before they jumped off the pavement and into the grass. After the run we would sit next to each other in the garden to watch the birds fly by. Another thing she loved was her chew toy. This pink colored dolphin that she would chew up and invite us to try to pull and pry from her jaws of steel. Sometimes we could get it out, but only with a lot of cunning and trickery.

Yes, I've written everything in past tense. Thats because she is no longer with us. My beautiful dog was hit by a car a year ago. Right around the end of March in 2008. Her energy and adventurous spirit got the better of her and she bolted out of the house one morning when the maid forgot to latch the inner gate. I didn't even get to say goodbye as I was in Melbourne at that time. It was very difficult for me. Now that I think of it, its quite a coincidence that I decided to watch Marley and me today, and be reminded of Amber. Its the anniversary of her passing. She's gone to a better place now, where she has endless open fields to run, play and explore.

I miss you Amber. And I hope to see you again one day. You really were the world's greatest dog to me. Rest in peace my dear, dear friend.

somebody call 911!

I watch a lot of TV serials. Every week, my life revolves around a few episodes of TV shows that I download off the internet. Its one of the few things that help me move time along as I count the days before I get my next station. I also seem to be particularly drawn to medical dramas. I really enjoy watching grey's anatomy, house and private practice. But there's something that I've noticed from watching these shows that really bugs me. Why in the world does someone always rush and bend over the person who's collapsed or injured and then yell "Somebody call 911!"

Do it yourself you dim wit. The 3 seconds that you wasted yelling that out might be the crucial 3 seconds the patient needs to stay alive. The next 3 minutes of confusion from the people registering that urgent cry and wondering who should be calling is enough to seal the fate of the poor person sprawled on the ground. Duh.

Ok, I'm just bored and grumpy that I've watched my week's supply of shows and need to wait for the next batch to download. Somebody save me!

The most stressful night ever

I hosted a buffet dinner last night. It was an annual event for my ground handling agents. It went well and everyone went home happy. Except me. While making my way home from the remote location of the chalet, I GOT LOST! The road I was on suddenly forked into 2 different directions without me knowing and of course, I was on the wrong one. Damn the dark roads and crappy road signs!

There were no immediate U turns as it was a freeway and none of the exit road names were familiar to me. I had no bloody idea where I was heading! Why did this have to happen to me?? And why are all the road signs in arabic and not illuminated?! Driving along in my car, I was very anxious and very stressed. My stomach felt like it was rearranging itself in figure-of-eight knots. My chest was tight and I couldn't breathe properly. I was really in the shits then. Visions of a rusted out honda civic with a skeleton still grabbing the steering wheel tightly in the middle of the desert floated in my head. NOOOOoooooooo!

So what did I do? Pray of course! I prayed and prayed and prayed and asked God to save me. Gosh I must've been chattering like a monkey on steroids. The next thing I knew, there was a blinding white flash and BAM! my car landed in my driveway! Ok actually no, but how cool would it be if it did happen that way huh? What really happened was I decided to get off the freeway and turned off at the next exit. I drove anxiously for a while more along "Al-Badouin Mohammmed dunno what sandy armpits mussi mussi road" and by the grace of God, I saw a familiar landmark! IKEA!

I've only been to IKEA once here and it was enough for me to know that if i continued on for a bit, I would be able to get on another freeway that would take me home. THANK YOU GOD!!! Somehow the exit that I took blindly turned out to be the right one. People would say lucky but I say it was all God's hand. Soon I was chugging home and singing along to my Christian CD blasting out of my car's speakers.

Thank you lord for getting me out of this. You've protected me and saved me so many times. Thank you for sending your angels to guide me home. Amen.

boiling blood

Oh GOD! WHHHHYYYYYY????

Getting tech support at my place of work is a gut wrenching experience. The people I deal with have no bloody clue about what to do! They are only good for pointing the blame at others. They just refuse to admit that they are ill equipped and should not even hold that position in the first place. Its more pleasant to ask for help from a camel's ass while its farting and its tail is slapping your face. These people redefined the phrase "vomit blood". What is wrong with this country?!!

If only i could summon burning hail stones from the heavens. It would come in handy.

Aural pleasure

After a blissful 10 days back in Singapore, I am back in the dessert. Now usually when I'm out here, I have nothing to spend on except food. The shopping here is not to my taste and well, I fear for my life enough to stop me from venturing out to explore the shopping districts.

In Singapore though, its a different story! I pamper myself with gadgets and items that make me happy. And why not? You gotta perk yourself up every now and then. So this time round, I picked up a pair of sweeeet sounding earphones from Shure. These babies sound amazing and they block out all external noises at the same time! That leaves your ears with nothing but uninterrupted sound from your music machines.

I remember on one of my previous flights back to Singapore, I had a mother sitting across the row from me with her infant next to her. My feeble iPod earphones did nothing to block out the baby's wailing. Coldplay's "God put a smile upon my face" was being diluted with a huge dose of "waaaaaaaaah" and it wasn't coming from Chris Martin. I definitely didn't have a smile upon my face. I was contemplating executing either one of two options. Jam the baby's mouth with the amenity kit I was provided with or ask to be moved to economy class. Of course I did neither but an article in the gadget magazine I was reading caught my eye amid the agonizing cries. Noise isolating earphones! What an ingenious idea! So the moment I touched down, I researched and decided on the Shure SE530.



On my plane ride back this time, I was set. All you mommies with cry babies / loud talking arabs / no volume control china men, I am ready for you! I will shut you out on the airplane and enjoy my music! But there were none of them on the plane. Instead, I did not hear the stewardesses asking me if I wanted another drink. The captain's announcements were shut out as well. Hell, I couldn't even hear the passenger next to me when he asked if it was ok if he closed the window shades. All I heard were the full, rich sounds from coldplay, angels & airwaves and the like. These earphones made it feel like the bands themselves were having a concert in my head. Amazing! The audiophile in me was deeply impressed.

Bottom line is, dump the iPod earphones and invest in a good pair. They make a world of difference in terms of the sound quality. Even better if it has a sound isolation feature. Its portable aural bliss wherever you are.

rain rain go away

It rained yesterday! Such a rare occurrence in these parts. Good thing it was my off day and I was safe and snug at home. Safe from the flooded roads that turn saudi drivers and their cars into air hockey pucks. Safe from the big angry drops that pick up all the sand in the air while making its way into the ground.

But as with all things Saudi, something had to go wrong. My internet stopped working. The little blinking modem light that usually indicated some connection or activity wasn't blinking anymore. I could not email, I could not MSN, I could not download stuff or surf the web. I could not do anything. It was the nightmare of all nightmares. As if being here wasn't mind blowingly boring enough, I had to be here without an internet connection.

I frantically brought up my web browser and typed in the address to my internet service provider. I needed the number for the technical help desk. "YOU ARE NOT CONNECTED TO THE INTERNET" my smug macintosh computer reminded me with the words splashed across a pristine white blank screen. Bugger. A flaw in the plan. I started to break out in cold sweat. My fingers were twitching and my upper lip was quivering.

I was desperate so I called my colleague. "DO YOU USE MOBILY INTERNET?!!?!?" I screamed into the phone. "No I don't have internet at home" he replied, in a calm and composed tone as if he was not weird at all for not having an internet connection at his residence. "Why? you need mobily internet?" he asked. I told him that I only needed the technical help number and that he was a useless bugger for this situation. But he actually came up with an answer! "try calling 1100. Its the mobily help desk for our mobiles" Thats right! My cellular connection is by the same company too! This might actually work.

Gingerly I keyed in 1100 into the keypad and listened to some weird grunting on the other end before a menu in English came up. Option 3 was for mobily broadband customers! I could see the light at the end of the tunnel! I greeted the technical arab help guy cheerfully and asked him if there was a problem with the network.

"Yes"

ok? what was the problem? would you like to share Mr arab help guy?

"wee tar"

Did you just call me a retard?

"wee tar! wee tar! you know? rain rain"

Ohhhhh weather! Ok I see I see. So when it rains? I lose my internet?

"Yes"

You guys are such a great establishment. Marvelous. So I will get my internet back when the rain stops?

"Yes, insha-allah"

Oh crap, the dreaded "I" word again. Directly translated, it means "if God willing" I've worked here long enough to know that when you ask for something and they tell you insha-allah, you're better off waiting for an elephant to climb a tree to shit on my face. So in Saudi Arabia, your internet connection is dependent on weather and God.

Thank God (my God, not the other one) the rain stopped and the internet connection returned soon after. If not I wouldn't be able to sit here and tell you how amazing Saudi Arabia is.

How's your new year been so far?

Wow, a new year. 2009 already. How time flies. Did everyone have a good countdown? Big parties and lots of merry making? My new year's eve started with a bang. Quite a loud and painful one too I might add. Stumbling out of bed at 5am to switch off the alarm clock that I had placed at the far corner of the room (so that I would be forced out of bed) I crashed my knee straight into the corner of the TV bench. That sure woke me up good. Groaning I switched off the alarm and trudged to the bathroom to get ready for work. Getting up at this unGodly hour for work on new year's eve! Atrocious.

I had a special chartered flight to take care off that morning you see. Monumental pain in the ass if you asked me. And the worse thing is I'd have to stay all the way till around 10pm after my normal scheduled flight leaves. It was gonna be a 16 hr work day for me and I wasn't looking forward to it. But hunker on I did and by the time I got home at around 1030pm, I was knackered. No worries though, its not like I had any big party or celebration I had to rush to. In this part of the world, they don't celebrate the welcoming of a new year. Pretty much the same way they don't celebrate Christmas. I dunno, a new year must be against their religion too or something.

So as 1159pm became midnight, signifying the arrival of the first second of 2009 to tick by, I was already snoozing in bed.... but not for long. The bloody phone blasted me out of lala land and the voice on the other end informed me that the aircraft that left my station a few hours ago could not land due to bad fog at the destination airport and had diverted. So much for a happy new year. Ok, so what do you want me to do? Run there now with a giant fan and blow the fog away? No, they needed some info on the loadsheet so that the aircraft could get clearance to take off from the diversion airport. Sigh, time to get to work again. When it was all settled and I finally crawled back into bed, it was 4:30am. Thats the time people usually crawl into bed after a big new year's party. Bugger.

New year's day did not bode well for me either. Because of that diverted aircraft, the crew's hours got all messed up and my scheduled flight would be arriving 4 hours late! 4 hours! What in the world am I gonna do with this rabid group of passengers who are so keen on leaving the country? Sorry sir, I have to prolong your agony by keeping you here for another 4 hours. Please try not to die on me. I had to arrange for dinner for everyone so I went to the airport restaurant manager's office.

"I need to get some dinner happening please"
"ok, how many people?"
"I dunno. Not everyone may wanna eat. Can you just serve the meals and then we will pay for the number that was dished out?"
"No"
"why not?"
"The cook must know how many people to cook for"
"you know exactly how many people will eat here before you open your restaurant everyday?"
"No"
"then?"
"my cook will only prepare the amount you need"
"well i hope your cook is like Jesus coz it could be 5 or it could be 5000"
"ok I will ask him to make 200"
"yeah ok whatever"

In the end 148 people ate. The evening went on with me apologising to many for the delay and asking if they had a good dinner. When the flight finally took off at 1:10 in the morning, the first day of 2009 was already gone, never to return again. What a start to the new year. I pray that this is not a sign of things to come.

Have a great year ahead everyone.

Merry Christmas Everyone!

Greetings! I just wanna wish everyone a wonderful and Merry Christmas! Can't believe another year has gone past but here's to an amazing 2009! Anyway, I won't say much today. I'll leave you with some pictures I took yesterday that surprisingly managed to capture the magical spirit and feeling of Christmas. Enjoy!

launch the lunch lunge

December is usually my favorite month of the year. But not this year. I've had a non-existent birthday. I crashed the car. Work has been really tough and I'm gonna spend Christmas alone in a country that bans Christmas. Yippee.

Well after a particularly tough day, I told my staff that I had enough of this shit and we should all go out and get some lunch. Bring me somewhere with good food I said. So they did. It was a lebanese place that specialised in lebanese cuisine and fresh fruit juice. Sounds pretty good I thought, until I saw the menu.


Sheep balls? What in the world? But the next page gets worse....


Yes I'll have a dish of brain please, but I can't decide which will go better with sheep balls, tongue or tongue fatta? No of course I did not order any of that. Its easy to be miserable in Saudi Arabia without the help of a lebanese chef. Just the chicken kebab and lamb BBQ for me thanks.

Go Honda!

I never thought the day would come when I would be saying this, but Honda is simply the future. Introducing the Honda FCX clarity. Sure its not exactly a Gallardo, 430 Scuderia or even an M3. Both in looks and in performance, the FCX is like a beached whale compared to the raging bull or prancing stallion.


But you know what? I'll take one anytime. You see, the FCX is powered by a hydrogen fuel cell. In essence, that means all you need to do is put hydrogen into the fuel tank and the fuel cell will combine the hydrogen with oxygen to produce electricity. This electricity then runs the electric motors that drive the car.

Unlike current electric cars that need to be plugged in for their batteries to be recharged, this one just needs filling up like how we fill up with petrol at the pumps. Now before you write it off for having an electric motor, Honda has done a decent job coz the FCX has 140 bhp. Acceptable performance, and the only exhaust it has is H2O. Water!

So besides saving the environment, you also eliminate the reliance on petrol. Well its about BLOODY TIME I say. Currently, this car is only available in select states in America. Thats because only these select states have hydrogen pump stations. What are they waiting for? Roll them out and lets do this worldwide! And C'mon Honda! make more of the FCX and lets get all the other car makers in on it too! (Audi are you reading this??) Its time we said goodbye to oil and kick the oil producing nations back into the dark ages and their flying carpets.

Where are you sleeping tonight

As I lay in my bed last night, I could not sleep. I felt uncomfortable. It probably wasn't the bed. I've got a king sized bed here and I also have with me my luxurious micro-fibre pillow and bolster. The air-conditioning is set just right and the room is dark and quiet. The perfect conditions for a good night's rest.

But I could not fall asleep.

The discomfort I felt was familiar though. I've felt it before. Its the same feeling of despair and misery I felt as I lay on the floor of the tent that was pitched on uneven ground during a Boys' Brigade field expedition in Primary school. Its that same feeling of discomfort I felt as I tried to sleep on the ground sheet at my secondary school's leaders camp. The very same feeling of displacement as I tried to sleep on a concrete slab at the running track during my polytechnic's orientation camp, and then again when I went for the Orientation group leaders' camp.

In fact, as I lay there, I felt lost and my morale was low. Exactly the way I felt when I was sleeping in the bunks during my army days' basic military training phase. Not forgetting the many miserable nights during field camps. It felt exactly like that. Its probably how Frodo felt as he slept at the gates of Mordor while on his way to destroy the ring.

So, I guess I'm out of my element. Not in my comfort zone. I'm out here, in the wild. But I've been thinking about it, I've survived each and every one of those uncomfortable situations. In fact, I always come out a stronger and better person. I also look back at those challenges with fond memories. They were personal accomplishments that made me feel like I could take on life with renewed passion and tenacity.

I'll get through this. I have to. And one day I will leave this place and laugh in the face of the desert that could not claim me. Just another one of life's funny plans for me. At least I have a big comfy bed this time.

The ride home after a long day

Thursday, 11th day of December in the year 2008. A really bad day in the office. Too many morons at work. It drains me. And my car is still in the workshop after all this time. Of course it is, this is Saudi Arabia.

I've had to resort to depending on one of my staff to drive me to work and back home again. So dropping myself into the passenger seat tonight, my staff was still wary of the fury I unleashed at the whole team earlier on. He cranked the car to life and we began the journey home.

"You want get something to eat boss?" Ayman asked, "Nah, I'm tired, I'll just go home thanks." Ayman then turned up the radio in his car that was tuned in to some "hip" station that played the trendiest arabic music. Everything sounded like crap to me. Some ludicrous arabic techno started blaring out the speakers. "oohhh, this is nice song" Ayman remarked. "are you kidding? I'd rather listen to sheep getting slaughtered." "You don't like?" he asked. "no".

At that very moment, a car overtook us at what felt like 2000km/h and as he passed, you could see that his boot was opened and there was a sheep in it. A sheep! "hey look at that, a sheep in that car boot." I said and Ayman proceeded to explain that the car was probably heading to Mecca for some sacrificial ceremony. Poor thing. As if the mad car ride in the boot wasn't enough to kill it.

"WATCH OUT FOR THE CAMEL!" I yelled as Ayman swerved the car and narrowly missed a camel that was walking at the side of the road.

Soon i reached my compound and Ayman dropped me off. "Goodnight Ayman, thanks for the ride." "No problem boss. Everything ok?"

Yeah, everything's fine except for this zoo of a country that I'm working in, I thought to myself. "Ya I'm good. See you tomorrow."

29 years and counting

Phew! I've been around for 29 years now. 29 years, imagine that. God's been so good to me. As some of you might know, I almost did not make it to 29. For the first time in my 12 years of driving, I crashed my car. Fortunately no one was injured. In fact no other car was damaged. It was just me versus a concrete block.

It all started when I decided to head to a mall after work. Usually I do my shopping in the daytime and keep driving at night to a minimal. I should've stuck to my resolution. While trying to get onto the main road from a service road, I drove onto the filter lane and glanced over to check that there was no traffic. The next thing I knew, there in the middle of the filter lane was a concrete block the size of a washing machine! The road was dimly lit. There were no warning lights. The concrete block wasn't even brightly colored. By the time the honda's pissy headlights illuminated the concrete block it was too late. I had like an 18 word long expletive in my mind but as I slammed the brakes, I could only yell out "Wha.....". This was followed by a loud crash and the sickening crunching sound of car getting smashed up.

The impact felt like all my organs were pushing against my skin, almost bursting out. I also instinctively braced myself for the airbag to deploy but of course, my car did not have any airbags. Just as well I guess. The seat belts worked and left a nice deep bruise and abrasion on my shoulder and chest. The car stopped. I could taste blood in my mouth. Somehow, I managed to bite on my lower lip so hard it bled.

I was alive.

I got out of the car to inspect the damage. The bumper was cracked and twisted. The radiator was smashed up and there was radiator fluid all over the ground. The bonnet was bent and my fenders were pushed against the tyres. WHAT A STUPID PLACE TO PUT A CONCRETE BLOCK! I can't help but think that if I did not hit the brakes, and drove against the block (which did not move and inch) at full speed, I wouldn't be here typing now.

So here I am, car's in the workshop for at least the next 10 days I'm told. Not a good situation to be in but thank God I'm ok. 29 years old and still going strong.

poem

I cannot believe I'm back in this hell hole

I'd rather be stuck in a toilet bowl

My leave went by in a flash

So much for my great singapore bash

My brain is numb, i've become dumb and I cannot think of anything else that rhymes to complete my poem.

Another day, another dollar

Wow! The weather is actually bearable now! It does not feel like I'm living in an oven anymore. I could get used to this. Walking out onto the uneven tarmac to get to the staff car-park after work today, I actually felt a cool breeze gently blowing by. There's still sand all around but I guess thats normal since I'm in the middle of a desert.

The birds that used to hide under cars are out and about now, doing what they do best. Flying around and shitting on the parked cars. Great. Turning towards my car, I catch a glimpse of the setting sun. Its a big orange ball thats slowly sinking into the horizon. Reminds me that I'm still connected to the same solar system as my family and friends. Its still beautiful, even when seen from such a harsh land.


Somehow, the distant sunset that turns everything else into a silhouette has a calming effect on me. It makes me feel that all my worries are sinking away and its time to unwind and relax. Call it a day you know what I mean? So as I get into my car and crank up the engine, a smile usually breaks out on my face. Put the car in gear and ease off the clutch, I slowly pull out of the car-park. The crunching sound of rubber against gravel, sand and tarmac resonates through the cabin signifying the beginning of the end of a long day.

And then as I leave, the palm trees bow down and respectfully bid me farewell.....wait, the trees WHAT??



The smile on my face disappears and a look of disbelief and puzzlement takes its place. Even the palm trees have called it a day on Saudi Arabia and decided to die. As I drive off into the sunset, I'm muttering to myself, "Only in Saudi Arabia....."

Desert Rain

What the hell is going on? In the week that just went by, it rained 3 times in Jeddah! In this land devoid of clouds and moisture, it actually rained! And not some pissy drizzle or tiny droplets that evaporate before hitting the ground. It was pouring cats and dogs and camels and baboons.

And obviously this place wasn't made with rain in mind. There is absolutely no drainage system. The pavements are made of the wrong materials. The F1 style saudi drivers suddenly forget how to drive. I'm serious. You can literally see the dumbfounded drivers with their eyes wide open and mouth gaping behind their steering wheels. They don't understand why their car is veering to the left when they are speeding through a giant puddle on the road. They wonder why they can't really see out of their windscreens. They cannot comprehend why their cars are skidding out of control and nothing seems to be responding.

ALL the roads get flooded and you might as well be driving a boat. And it does not help that the wipers on my car have been nicely baked and sundried to a crispy strip of tasteless jerky. All they do is splash the rain around my windscreen instead of wiping it off. Bugger.

And obviously, being in the middle of the desert, I don't own an umbrella. So getting caught in the rain while walking from the staff carpark to the airport terminal wasn't fun. Especially when the pavement tiles becomes more slippery than an ice cube coated in olive oil. Yup, I had a really spectacular fall. While running to get out of the rain, I slipped the moment I stepped on the pavement tiles. What happened after that would have been applauded by even the gold medal winning olympic gymnast. Hell I don't even think I've executed such a move while snowboarding before. In slo-mo my legs went over my head and I landed on my left shoulder. I was drenched, and very embarrassed as this all happened in front of a group of indian laborers seeking shelter at a shed not too far away. but most of all it hurt. I am now nursing a bruised shoulder, hip and left bum.

I normally don't mind rain. But this is Saudi Arabia, and nothing is normal here. So, no more rain please. Life here is crazy enough without the floods and the mud and the chaos.

Read all about it!

Reading the newspapers these days really makes you feel depressed. I used to read the newspapers for their information and entertainment value. It kept me up to date with the latest around the world. It opened my eyes (though it wasn't always necessary the truth) to the outside of the shell that was home.

But now, more often than not, its telling you who's going bankrupt, who's dying from bombs or earthquakes and what you cannot eat. And that basically sums up the entire content.

China. What is going on there? How did it happen that this "up and coming super power" would stoop so low and wreck so much havoc in the food industry. With all the food scandals going on, I take longer to do my supermarket shopping now, making sure that I do not buy anything that is made in China. The milk and dairy thing was ridiculous but now I read in today's paper that eggs are no good too? The milk and eggs alone already make up 2/3 of my breakfast menu. I'll only be eating spoonfuls of strawberry jam for breakfast pretty soon if they found something wrong with the bread too. That is if they don't discover that the jam was actually a concoction of red paint and sugar first.

The financial crisis. So we're in another recession huh? Hell, I don't even know whats going on anymore. Who's going down. Who's paying who. Who wants their money back. Who got cheated. Who bought a house and couldn't afford the mortgage.

I don't read the papers anymore. I merely glance through them and then I chuck it into the corner and wait for the recycling guy to come pick them up.

The world has gone bonkers. And we only have ourselves to blame. Humans are really a virus that has infected the earth. Shitheads.

Another day, another conundrum

Ahhhhhhhh, nothing like a nice hot cup of earl grey tea to help you unwind after a long day at work. Of course, in Saudi Arabia, to fully enjoy hot tea without feeling like you're ingesting molten lava while sitting in the earth's core, I had to turn the air-conditioning down to about 15 degrees. I also had to take off my shirt. In fact, it was a necessity to take off my pants as well and sit down wearing only my boxers. And now, I come to realise that I have unwittingly revealed that I am sitting here in my underwear, typing this blog entry. Poo.

Well no matter, coz that can't be anywhere as weird as what happened at work today. Picture this; Its the tail-end of the check-in process. Only 2 passengers are in the check-in area, each served by a counter. The other counters are empty, as was my dedicated business class counter. This random guy (turns out he was a passenger traveling on Garuda) walks over to the business class counter and stops about 4 feet away from the check-in agent. He looks untidy and he's got some funky head gear on. Not quite a turban, but not the saudi head-scarf either. Lets call him Scrappy.

Scrappy then proceeds to tug at my business class carpet! He pulls it about 2 meters away and lays it at an angle. He then gets on it and starts to pray! WHAT THE HELL? I was dumbfounded. Flabbergasted. Gobsmacked. What is this nincompoop doing?? Well obviously he's praying... but on my check-in carpet?!?! I walked over, and I could see the ground staff supervisor walking over as well.

Darren: "Excuse me sir, please get off my carpet"
Scrappy: "No, is my. sha allah I pray"
Darren: "not on my carpet you're not"
Scrappy: "Where you carpet? no yours is my"

I calmly bent forward and pointed to the "business class" font, next to the familiar golden bird. "what do you think this says?"


At which he looked up at me, eyes wider than the dinner plates I have at home. Hell, it looked like alla himself had reached out and grabbed scrappy's balls. The ground staff supervisor then grunted something to scrappy in arabic and scrappy walked off looking defeated. "sorry boss, sometimes these people dunno." Abdullah said to me. "Oh boss I will be on leave from November to December. Going to sell samosa. ok?"

"uh.....ok.....?" I replied. Walking over to my check-in staff, I muttered, "Shit I'm going nuts, I thought I heard Abdullah telling me that he was taking leave to go sell samosas"

"oh yes, he opens a shop by the road for pilgrims to buy samosa when they go for hajj" he replied. By now, I had no expression on my face. There was just too much weirdness going on. "you're shitting me!" I said. "oh sorry boss, maybe its from the hummus and beans I ate a lot for lunch". At this point, I just walked off to seek solace in my office.

Going up!

Sorry if I've kept you waiting (Yes, all 3 of you who read my blog), but its been quite a hectic week for me. Well I'm here now so, here we go.

Moving on through the corridor by the dining area, you'll pass by a toilet, a closet and a store room.


Now, I would like to pause here for a moment and talk about God's sense of humor. See, back in MEL when I was holed up in that piegon hole of an apartment, I used to complain about how bad the design was coz there was practically no storage space. What that docklands apartment had were little holes placed randomly to keep your stuff in. And the lame excuse for a wardrobe didn't even fit my shirts coz it was too shallow! Whoever designed that apartment must've had hobbits with very little belongings in mind. I also used to lament about how having more than 1 toilet would be great for the days when Celine was taking a shower and I really needed to do a number 2.

So fast forward to Jeddah and guess what? My prayers were answered! In this house, I have 4 toilets, 3 of them equipped with showers. I have 2 giant wardrobes in the bedrooms and a walk-in wardrobe in the master. There are 2 store rooms which I don't use coz I dump all my stuff in the maid's room and heaps of shelves around the house for storing things. You ask for a wave and God gives you a tsunami.

Righto, heading up the stairs, you'll arrive at the landing that links the 3 bedrooms.The 2 smaller bedrooms are on the left, the master bedroom is on the right and we've got a bathroom right there in the center. So for my guests, whom I'll never get since there are no tourists allowed in SA, there are 2 bedrooms to choose from. Both equipped with a single bed, built-in robe and shelves. Finally, we then arrive at the master bedroom. Its got a king sized bed which is good since I like to sleep spread eagle, and pretty much everything you need to be comfortable.

So thats pretty much what I come home to everyday. Its comfy. No complaints here. Though it does get lonely and "empty" at times. Oh well... I should just be glad that I have food on my plate, roof over my head and a big comfy bed.

I'll leave you with a picture taken from the window of my bedroom. Till the next time...