Right. So i'm 26 years of age, going on 27 come December. That'll make me just about 3 years shy of being in existence for 3 decades. Yeowza, sounds like some kind of relic! Well, not really. But still, one can't help but wonder, what is life about? I've been around for over a quarter of a century and I still haven't figured it out.
Sometimes I hear a gleeful exclamation that life's GREAT! Most of the time I hear murmurs that life sucks. Do these people even know what they're talking about? Or is it just a careless expression of their current situation of state coz more often than not, these same people have been known to use both phrases. So which is it?
When I look back at what I've been through so far, my life seems to be fine. Actually its been pretty good. I've always had a roof over my head, a comfortable bed to sleep on and meals to keep me growing ( Yes I'm still growing ). I've got wonderful parents who nag at me but also provide generously. I always have my needs met and a fair amount of my wants granted. But despite all this, I sometimes still sit back and wonder, is this all there is to life? It seems like I'm not really full on and jumping for joy at being able to take a breath every few seconds.
People who've lived through wars. Those that have suffered from disasters and calamities. Those who survived accidents. Now these are some people who would clobber me on the head and admonish me for not being thankful for everything that I have now. And the fact that I'm blogging about it now kinda means that I know that I should appreciate it. And I do. I really do. But why is it I don't feel a giant blast of euphoria whenever I wake up in the mornings? I'm sure someone who's been hiding for his dear life would when he wakes up to find out that the war is over. Please God, don't misunderstand, I'm not asking for something horrible to happen to my life. I'm just wondering if its absolutely neccesary to go through a rough patch to truely appreciate the good times? I wanna just live in the good times and be happy! NOW! :) <--- (what a fake smile, you'd look psychotic if your face were in that exact shape )
Is ignorance truely bliss? Would I be in absolute rapture if I were living up in a mountain, not knowing about the happenings and the technologies of this world? I wouldn't want something if I didn't know it existed right? And if I don't want anything, I'd be totally satisfied instead of constantly thinking when I can earn enough to buy that sports car or get a hold of the latest Mac with the most gorgeous screen. I wouldn't even worry about earning money for anything! I'd just live everyday as it comes. Gathering food when I feel hungry. Sleeping when I'm tired. Probably invent my own games to pass the time. Sounds pretty boring huh but if it were true, I wouldn't know better anyway since I don't know that snowboarding or playstation exists.
So why does this dilemma exist? Whats the confusion about? How can I write so much nonsense over nothing? I'm not sad. But I'm not happy either. I'm just. Normal. Can I even say that? I'm normal. Sounds weird. Say it out loud to yourself slowly. I'm NORMAL. "Normal" is an adjective that implies conformity with established norms or standards. So I'm conforming? What exactly is that standard that I am comparing myself to be conforming?
Ok its time for bed. Goodnight.
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