rain rain go away

It rained yesterday! Such a rare occurrence in these parts. Good thing it was my off day and I was safe and snug at home. Safe from the flooded roads that turn saudi drivers and their cars into air hockey pucks. Safe from the big angry drops that pick up all the sand in the air while making its way into the ground.

But as with all things Saudi, something had to go wrong. My internet stopped working. The little blinking modem light that usually indicated some connection or activity wasn't blinking anymore. I could not email, I could not MSN, I could not download stuff or surf the web. I could not do anything. It was the nightmare of all nightmares. As if being here wasn't mind blowingly boring enough, I had to be here without an internet connection.

I frantically brought up my web browser and typed in the address to my internet service provider. I needed the number for the technical help desk. "YOU ARE NOT CONNECTED TO THE INTERNET" my smug macintosh computer reminded me with the words splashed across a pristine white blank screen. Bugger. A flaw in the plan. I started to break out in cold sweat. My fingers were twitching and my upper lip was quivering.

I was desperate so I called my colleague. "DO YOU USE MOBILY INTERNET?!!?!?" I screamed into the phone. "No I don't have internet at home" he replied, in a calm and composed tone as if he was not weird at all for not having an internet connection at his residence. "Why? you need mobily internet?" he asked. I told him that I only needed the technical help number and that he was a useless bugger for this situation. But he actually came up with an answer! "try calling 1100. Its the mobily help desk for our mobiles" Thats right! My cellular connection is by the same company too! This might actually work.

Gingerly I keyed in 1100 into the keypad and listened to some weird grunting on the other end before a menu in English came up. Option 3 was for mobily broadband customers! I could see the light at the end of the tunnel! I greeted the technical arab help guy cheerfully and asked him if there was a problem with the network.

"Yes"

ok? what was the problem? would you like to share Mr arab help guy?

"wee tar"

Did you just call me a retard?

"wee tar! wee tar! you know? rain rain"

Ohhhhh weather! Ok I see I see. So when it rains? I lose my internet?

"Yes"

You guys are such a great establishment. Marvelous. So I will get my internet back when the rain stops?

"Yes, insha-allah"

Oh crap, the dreaded "I" word again. Directly translated, it means "if God willing" I've worked here long enough to know that when you ask for something and they tell you insha-allah, you're better off waiting for an elephant to climb a tree to shit on my face. So in Saudi Arabia, your internet connection is dependent on weather and God.

Thank God (my God, not the other one) the rain stopped and the internet connection returned soon after. If not I wouldn't be able to sit here and tell you how amazing Saudi Arabia is.