How to survive being thrown out of the car

As I was cleaning the interior of my car today, I decided to clean the door sill while still perched in the driver's seat. Yes, I know I could've stepped out of the car and kneeled down next to the door to do it, but I was just too lazy and the nappa leather seats were just too comfy! Well, it cost me because somehow, I managed to find myself in an awkward and precarious position and ended up landing on my face and elbows on the cold hard concrete. It hurt. Fortunately there was no one around and I scrambled back to my feet and nursed my sore and skinned elbows.

And then I thought to myself, "Gosh, falling out of a stationary car hurts a lot! How do you ever survive falling out of a moving car?" Therefore in order to protect the interests of all the motorists and passengers reading my blog, I went ahead to do some research and here's what I found.

Prior to actually getting thrown out of the car, it's best to prepare on your own. Go into a quiet room and spin in circles looking down at the floor and up at the ceiling in order to get ready for the spin that you'll get thrown into once you hit the floor. Then, take yourself to your nearest slabs of nice, clean concrete and practise throwing yourself elbow first on the floor. This way you can mentally prepare for the impact, so it's not a shock when it happens. Obviously you've got to make sure you have some decent protective padding on first.

Once you've done the initial preparation, you need to find a good smooth surface to land on. If the surface is rough, there's a very high chance you will tear your clothing and really injure yourself. The car itself needs to have a wide door and, more importantly, a reliable driver that you can trust.

Recce the road and practise opening and closing the door of the car

Before actually going ahead with the jump, drive along the road a couple of times, opening the door and checking for the best spot to land on. Shout at the point where you're going to jump, so everyone around knows where and when it's going to happen. Once you've done the initial preparation, you need to find a good smooth surface to land on.

Try to land elbow first. This will reduce the shock of the impact.

Good padding is essential. Ideally, your whole body will be covered, preferably starting with a pair of jeans and a decent jacket. Underneath that, you'll need padding on your elbows and knees - basically every bony bit of your body needs protection. When it comes to being kicked out of the door, think of how a pen or pencil rolls. That's what you have to emulate. Throw yourself out, leading with your shoulder or arm. If you lead with your hand, you'll tear all of your skin and you won't complete the roll properly.

Wear plenty of padding and let the momentum carry you until you stop.

Your arm should contact the surface and throw you into the spin. The hardest part is actually stopping once you've begun the whole thing. You have to keep going, let your energy just carry you and slide along. Once you've accomplished that, you can stand up, dust yourself off and live to tell the tale.

Re-arrange clothes, comb hair and repeat if necessary.