Time to say goodbye

Bloody Hell, another night of bad sleep. I hate it when i keep drifting in and out of sleep, only to be finally kept awake at 5am due to a growling tummy. An active mind isn't helping too. With so many thoughts being processed at a single moment in time, rest is hard to come by.

Its weird how I always feel crappy during the examination periods. Well ok, its not weird coz only a loony would be happy when exams are round the corner. The thing is, I always get homesick and depressed even. And this semester isn't turning out any different. AND I'M SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING A RELAXED LAST SEMESTER WITH ONLY 1 EXAM. I'm missing home terribly again. I'm missing the comfort of home and family and the familiarity of a safe environment. Taking the car out, meeting friends for a late supper or movie, and then coming home and standing in the garden looking up at the moon and stars on a cloudless night, breathing in the twilight tropical air. Good times I tell ya.

I miss my friends heaps. Sometimes I wonder if I make friends too easily? It sucks that I have to be so far and detached from my friends. I don't even know whats going on with their lives! Its even harder now since everyone's busy with their careers and getting married. Its like our lives are just branching out to different directions, way beyond each other's reach. I cannot believe that I'm probably gonna miss Jialing's wedding. Do I even want to stay here and apply for PR? Maybe if I had just been a loner, I'd be happy and contented with just me. You see, I hate change, I'm sure many people do. We are all human balls of inertia.

What about friends I've made here in Melbourne? I didn't think that I'd make such great friendships here. When I came to Australia, I thought that it was gonna be a one man adventure for me. People would come and go in my life and I wouldn't be bothered. But I guess not. I've made some great friends in uni, most of whom are gonna return to their respective countries when they're done. Going through thick and thin with them, sharing laughs and stress. Being pillars of support for each other when the path seems impossible. These things are just gonna fade away?

And what about the great bunch of friends I have from church? Everyone's gonna come and go according to their study plan. Some may stay, others won't. But in the process, some actually become great friends. And when the time comes to move on, how do you break away? Its gonna be like leaving Singapore all over again. Can I just turn up for a cell group meeting, say goodbye and go? Can I tell someone goodbye and leave it as it is? I want things to stay just as it is, but since when do things go the way you want anyway?

Its not easy, this concept of friendship.

Sure, people will say, "Don't worry, just stay in touch. You can MSN, email blah blah blah.... There'll be chances to meet again". But seriously, its not the same anymore. Its like your cookie jar being placed further up a shelf. Its gonna be harder and requires more effort to reach.

I think I'm growing old. becoming soft. Ew.