Nostalgia

I suddenly miss home, or rather, I miss the life I had before I left NTU and transferred to Melbourne. Its like a combination of external factors triggered an effect within me that released some emotions and memories. Well, I was driving to the airport to pick up Ronny, Esther and Kelvin for our falls creek ski trip and it was a bright sun shiny day (which is rare in Melbourne during winter). So, turned off the A/C, opened the windows and the sunroof and turned up the music. Awesome! Linkin Park was playing in my CD player, man, that Chester (?) guy can really scream throughout the whole song man.

Anyhow, those factors triggered the nostalgic feeling I had. In an instant, memories of me zooming around in my FTO in singapore with the windows and sunroof open came to my mind. All my friends that enjoyed those moments with me popped up. Times when I was listening to linkin park on Frankie's boat when I go wakeboarding flashed past. The rushing wind, the salty water.... I could almost taste it. All the people I hung out with and grumbled with when I studied in NTU and lived in the halls appeared. All my friends, the places, the humidity, the comfort, the familiarity. Everything. I was actually having a blast back then! I wonder why I complained so much. I wonder why I left?

Back in the days when I used Xanga to blog, I remember mulitple entries where I was lamenting and complaining about how miserable I was in Australia. Sometimes, I wonder, "did i make the right choice?" and "why would I want to leave all that behind?"
the funny thing is that, I was clearly unhappy and miserable about studying in NTU too! I mean, C'mon! 8 subjects a semester? No chance of underloading? Thats crazy man. But I did have heaps of fun and a great life aside from my studies. But I guess the NTU bit was so overwhelming that it made life pretty miserable.

Now, as I go through uni and life in Australia, things are different. And sometimes, I feel like I should've stayed in Singapore and all that. But I'm pretty sure its human nature, coz the day I really do leave Australia for good, I'll be looking back and wondering the same thing too. I'll remember all the fun and amazing things I did, and all the fond memories I had. I think humans are never satisfied about their current position. They'll always complain and bitch about their current situation and reminisce about the past and look toward a better future. But when they get to that future, the whole cycle repeats and once again we're unhappy.

I know that coz I go through that my whole life~! Look. When I was in the army serving NS, I used to be miserable and would count the days till I ORD ( ORD is the term which means you're done). I wanted out of there so much! I was looking forward to going to NTU to study and have a wonderful life as a student. So, finally got out of NS and into NTU. I was miserable! terrible studying schedule. Lack of sleep, all the stress. I'd sigh and think aloud, "Gosh, NS was so carefree and relaxing! no stress at all, just listen to orders and run around mindlessly". I looked forward to a better future. I thought Melbourne was the key to my search for happiness. Now I'm here. Am I happy? well, not as happy as I thought I'd be. I still suffer from misery, stress and frustration. Same old looking back at the past and thinking "NS was a good time" or "Life in NTU was awesome".

Humans. Sigh.