Merry Christmas Everyone.

I'm sitting in front of the computer again. I've got some candles lighted around my workstation and my jazzy christmas CD droning in the background. I'm still recovering from the eve of Christmas eve pajama party I had. And what better way to do that than to set my thoughts loose on the internet? hmmmmm.

Seeing the whole gang in their pajamas, goofing around and singing carols and drinking wine and playing games. It was weird. It was hilariously fun but definately weird. but you know what hit me? we've all grown old. we can't have the same kind of fun we did when we were 18 anymore. This party was an attempt to break out of our hardened shells of age. I wasn't able to. It didn't help that half the girls had glittery rocks on their fingers. That just reminds me that most of my friends are moving on to the next stage in adulthood while I've barely begun.

I've been through 26 Christmas's already, but I think I can only remember the second half of those. As a kid, it was always about going to grandma's house anticipating a feast and a truckload of presents. It was simple, but it did not have any impact in my life. but as you grow older, presents don't really matter anymore. Christmas becomes a time to spend with people that are dear to you. It becomes a time to reflect on the year's events and to establish your goals for the coming year. Christmas becomes a time to get connected back to the core of life.

I won't hide the fact that this christmas is gonna be a miserable one for me. The transition from being a uni student to a working adult with responsibilities is taking its toll on me. The stress of having to establish a plan to maintain the comfortable life that I am so accustomed to is wearing me out. Some call this quarter life crisis I think.

Breaking up with eunice didn't help either. I've failed in yet another relationship, and I've lost a long time friend in the process. Never date a friend if you're not ready to lose her/him. Is that true? seems to be. Its gonna be a lonely christmas this 2005. and no its not coz i'm all by myself. There's no lack of people to hang out with or places to go to. its just that I feel so detached from everything that no matter where I am, I still feel like there's no one around, no connections made. Everything is just a passing cloud. and i hate it.

Sigh, my cheery christmas entry has become long and depressing. Believe me I'm trying very hard to make this christmas work, but I still need a miracle to save this one. But don't mind me, make sure you guys go out and have a Blessed and Merry Christmas!